Chapter 1

• People want to be understood and accepted
• Listening is the most effective concession we can make to get there
  • Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings. In addition, they tend to become less defensive and oppositional and more willing to listen to other points of view, which gets them to the calm and logical ace where they can be good Getting to Yes problem solvers.

Chapter 2

• A good negotiator prepares for surprises. A great negotiator uses skills to reveal surprises. Your goal at the outsert of a negotiation is to observe as much information as possible.
  • Too often people find it easier to stick with what they already think they know or what they believe.
  • Don’t commit to assumptions, view them as hypotheses. Test them rigorously.
• Focus on listening,  not what we want. Many times we approach the negotiation too preoccupied with what we want to get out of it that we forget to listen
  • We can process only about 7 pieces of info in our conscious mind
• Mirroring the person you’re negotiating with is far more effective than paying compliments or trying to use force. Repeating what they said back to them.
  • If they say “your price is way too high?” Respond “my price is too high?” If they say “we have other things you need to do.” You say “other things to do?” It  makes them feel heard and you give them a chance to expand
• Slow down

Chapter 3 (Labeling)

• Imagine yourself in your counterparts situation
• The reason why a counterpart will not make a deal with you are often more powerful than why they will make a deal.
• Label your counterparts emotions. It’s a way if validating their emotions and diffuse their power.
• Use “it sounds like…” instead of “I’m hearing that…”
• Perform an accusation audit. If you observe negativity, acknowledge it and let the other person correct you on the contrary.
  • Example: “you probably think (insert negative quality) about me/us.”
• Once you label the emotion, pause.
• Use labels  to reinforce and encourage positive perceptions and dynamics 

Chapter 4 – Beware “yes”, Master “No”

• Pushing counterparts towards “yes” Makes them uncomfortable
• No is not the end of the conversation, it helps us understand what the person doesn’t want
• Your counterpart saying “no” makes them feel comfortable
• saying “no” helps your counterpart feel like they’re in control and that what you want is their own idea.
• Prompting “no” Oriented questions can help revive conversations. Try “have you given up on this project?”

Chapter 5 – “that’s right” is better than “you’re right”

• The key to all of this is conveying to your counterpart that you understand what their desires or needs are
• Use a summary to trigger a “that’s right.” The building blocks of a good summary are a label combined with paraphrasing. Identify, rearticulate, and emotionally affirm “the world according to …”

Chapter 6 – Bend Their Reality

• On deadlines
  • If you’re the seller,  establishing a deadline creates leverage to get something done and your counterpart will get to the “real deal” and concession making sooner.
  • If you’re the buyer, missing deadlines almost never truly impacts a deal
• Fairness is a very powerful motivator in negotiations even if it’s not logical.
  • You can use this to call your counterparts offer unfair
  • You can claim your own offer as fair
  • And you can offer to your counterpart to tell if you if you’re being unfair at any moment
• Loss aversion – people take greater risks to avoid loss than to achieve gains
  • Frame your negotiation to what they’re getting, not to what they’re losing.
• Anchor their emotions – ie when the payment goes from $2k / day to $500 / day. Frame it that you can give it to somebody else instead of the daily rate is being reduced by $1,500
• Let the other guy go first in a negotiation unless you have a really strong knowledge of the market .
• Use odd numbers (like $29,999 instead of $30k). Odd numbers seem more permanent, even numbers, especially 0’s seem like temporary placeholders.

Chapter 7 – Create the Illusion of Control

• Don’t force your counterpart to admit you are right. Aggressive confrontation is the enemy of constructive negotiation.
• Avoid questions that can be answered with “yes”.
• Ask calibrated questions that begin with the words “what” or “how”
  • By asking for help you are giving them the illusion of control
  • Point these calibrated questions toward solving your problems
• Bite your tongue / pause when things start to get heated. Counter with a calibrated question
• There is always a team on the other side. If you are not influencing those behind the table, you are vulnerable.

Chapter 8 – Guarantee execution

• Use “how” questions to shape the negotiation. “How can I do that?” Which helps push your counterpart towards your solution
• Always identify other players behind the table. Ask “how does this affect the rest of your team?” “How on board are the people not on this call?”
• Rule of Three: Ensure their words, tone and body language are aligned. If not ask some questions like “what do we do if we get off track?” “What is the biggest challenge we will face?”

Chapter 9 – Bargain Hard

• Identify your counterparts bargaining style
• When the pressure is on you don’t rise to the occasion you fall to your highest level of preparation
• Be prepared to take a punch, don’t let your counterpart knock you off your game. Be aware of anchoring without getting angry.
• Prepare an Ackerman plan before bargaining.

Chapter 10 – Find the Black Swan

• Use a reason when asking for something, with “because”. “Can I cut you in line because I have to make copies?”
• Many times our counterparts are not irrational, they’re either ill-informed, constrained or obeying other interests.
• Remember the three types of leverage
  • Positive (the ability to help somebody get what they want)
  • Negative (the ability to hurt someone)
  • Normative (using your counterparts norms to bring them around)
  • Review everything you hear from your counterpart, you will catch a lot the second time (gong is great for this)
  • Exploit the similarity principal / find common ground
  • Understand the other sides “religion”. What makes them tick? What’s their worldview?
  • Get FaceTime with your counterpart.

Prepare with a Negotiation One Sheet

1. Set the Goal
   • Think through the best / worst case scenario and only wrote down specific goals that represents the best case
   • Focus on your goal, not the worst case
   • Discuss your goal with a colleague or boss
2. Summary
   1. Write down a couple of sentences of the known facts
3. Labels / Accusation audit
   1. Prepare five labels to perform an accusation audit
      1. It seems like _______ is valuable to you
      2. It seems like you don’t like ______
      3. It seems like you value _______
      4. It seems like ________ makes it easier
      5. It seems like you’re reluctant to _______
4. Calibrated Questions
   1. Effective negotiators look past their counterparts stated positions and delve j to their underlying motivations.
   2. Most of us tend to assume the needs of the other side conflict with our own
   3. Get relentlessly curious about what motivates the other side
   4. Examples:
      1. What are we trying to accomplish?
      2. How is that worthwhile?
      3. What’s the core issue here?
      4. How does that affect things?
      5. What’s the biggest challenge you face?
      6. How does that fit into what the objective is?
5. Questions to identify the behind the table deal killers
   1. How does this affect the rest of your team?
   2. How on board are the people not on the call?
   3. What do your colleagues see as their main challenges in this area?
6. Questions to identify and diffuse deal killing issues
   1. It’s tempting to concentrate on money and a high percentage of negotiations hinge on something other than than money.
   2. Think about perceived losses
7. Questions to in earth deal killing issues
   1. What are we up against here?
   2. What is the biggest challenge you face?
   3. How does making a deal with us affect things?
   4. What happens if you do nothing?
   5. What does doing nothing cost you?
   6. How does making this deal resonate with what your company prides itself on?
8. Labels you can feed to gain more information:
   1. blank labels that you can use quickly without tons of thought:
   2. It seems like____ is important.
   3. It seems you feel like my company is in a unique position to
   4. It seems like you are worried that